Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
