I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
