there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
