eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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