You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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