just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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