JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Are my feet made of real feet?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
