Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
