its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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