I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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