R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
