Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
