i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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