Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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