I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
