btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
