And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You're like the curious george of whores
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
