I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
