The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i need some magic done to my vagina
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
