I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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