Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
