Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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