Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
