proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
