THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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