So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
