We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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