either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
