i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize