Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
