people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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