No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
