No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
