It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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