Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
