Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
