"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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