i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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