Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
