Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
