the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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