What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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