Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
