I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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