I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
