id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I have post one night stand depression
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