I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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