grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
