also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
