i think my tv is drunk
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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