He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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