She said her name was "party"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
