you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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