You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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