How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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