the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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