Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
