You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
