it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
pop tarts are not kleenex
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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