Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
