i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
