The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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