i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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