I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
