WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
